Wednesday, August 30, 2006
with Cystic Peg
Aries (March 21 - April 20)
All Aries men should take care this week. A lot of sex is on its way to you, so be broad-minded and bite on a strap.
Taurus (April 21 - May 21)
With Mars approaching Pluto you may find yourself falling in love. Remember most ugly people are so grateful they will not complain for your lack of inches.
Gemini (May 22 - June 21)
Uranus is rising, but it will probably be only wind. Lots of fun on the way, but only with Aries men.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
Luck will be with you this week. Women will meet the man of their dreams, Men will just have wet ones.
Leo (July 23 - August 23)
Beware of a man with matches. If a child is born to you, congratulations, it will be gifted and black. Not so good if you are both white though!!
Virgo (August 24 - September 22)
A new career awaits and three mates will have very good luck. They will move out of Thanet to somewhere much better - Afghanistan.
Libra (September 23 - October 23)
You will be hopping mad this week - a bus will run over your toes. Take a good look at your future wife because in 20 years she will look like her mother.
Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)
Jupiter in your birthsign will double your love. Be careful your partner is kept in the dark, sometimes that is the only way do to it and keep your dinner down.
Sagittarius (November 23 - December 21)
Mars/Pluto stirs sexy temptation at work, not so good if you are a nun or a monk though.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Be cautious this week and stay away from a dodgy cliff. Your planet in the Big Dipper means watch out for men carrying red plastic cans.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You may soon find that the operation you have been waiting for is cancelled due to a shortage of donkey dongs.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Be careful of low-flying doctors and high-flying newspaper editors. You could lose your head to either.
Cystic Peg, who died in 1957, communicates her horoscopes through Dane Valley Ted by means of a wet sponge and a packet of Kleenex.